Hmmm, 20 first dates in 2011, lofty goal if you ask me. So why would i want to set out on 20 first dates and not 20 second or third dates? And who would subject themselves to more than a handful of first dates? Dating should be fun right? That's what I have heard anyway. Well, I am recently divorced from a 13 year long relationship. And I figure I might as well start somewhere. I finally realized that I have no idea how to date. I am serial relationshiper and i need to learn how to survive in "datesville".
My journey begins on the heels of my signed divorce decree. My need for validation and male attention has gotten the better of me and now i have resorted to online dating. The funny thing about this is that I am so ashamed by my method of meeting men, I haven't told anyone in my family. I have even reserved this information for a select group of friends to know. Why I am so ashamed of leveraging technology and access to meet people and learn how to date? I guess I feel like I am being superficial, but I am dealing with that in my own way. Anyway, enough about that, back to the online dating debauchery.
So, I decide to sign up for Match.com, why not, right?! I figure the only way to get better at this dating thing is to practice. I went online and signed up for a three-month membership. And let’s just stop and say something about that... $35 bucks a month! Do you know how many Starbucks coffees I could get for that? I need a serious return on investment for that. Now, the task of writing your profile is the most superficial task I have had to do in a long time. I have to write about me, name things I like to do for fun, and what I am looking for in a guy. Well I don't know any of that right now, duh! That's why I am going to sign up for Match.com to figure those things out. And quite frankly, if I really knew any of those things about me, I may not be divorced! None the less, i wrote up what I considered a decent profile to effectively "sell" myself, added pictures and off I went. See, it really is about selling yourself on this site. Window shopping is the word that comes to mind.
As I begin to search around, I realize how similar all these profiles sound and how much BS is really out there. If you are interested in someone, you can either send them a "wink" or send an email. Now, I have yet to really figure out how I personally feel about winking or emailing men first. I have had mixed experiences that include alot of them ignoring me, saying 'thanks but no thanks" or sending back 1 email and then I respond and then they ignore me. This is behavior that i truly do not understand. Even when a man writes in his profile, "hey drop me an email to chat", in my experience they don't really mean it. And if they do, then I apparently am not the girl they are asking to drop them a note. I also receive emails and winks, and let’s say 90% of them are worthless. It is the 10% that have some potential. But then of that 10%, I only have let’s say another 25% chance of even getting to meet them. Ugh!
So, in order to increase my chances, because this really is just a numbers game with the "right" pictures, i have resorted to winking and emailing guys against my better judgement. Now, this is only because I am on a mission for the remainder of 2011. I absolutely know that I am not meeting Mr. right on Match.com and I am OK with that. I simply need to practice dating and how to get out of "relationship-ville" and into "dates-ville". But before I can get a date, there is all of BS that has to occur first apparently. I wont go into boring details, but lets just say there seems to be a period of time that has to be spent in "communication via text and email -ville" first that can either be fun or just plain boring. Having said that, the purpose is to get past that and actually meet the person. So I am finding that to be more difficult than I would think just jumping into this. I mean one would think that you are on a dating site to actually DATE, not to find pen pals.
There is also a science to perfecting the profile and how it sounds to men that are shopping! More on that in later blogs. In addition, according to my Match.com guru, she says I also have to be knowledgeable about my competition. Now these are apparently women that have similar qualities as me in their profiles. Therefore, I will periodically run a search on them just to make sure I am staying competitive :) (All of this reminds me of high school and the silliness that surrounds all of that). But hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
Back to my mission for 2011... I figure the best way to get a return on my investment for the next three months, deal with the eminent rejection, weed through the crazies, and figure out the qualities I want in a man and how they should make me feel is to set a goal. I will have 20 FIRST dates in 2011 and will blog about each one. I will recount the good, the bad, the ugly, the cheap, the rude, the fun, and everything else. Now, why do this right? Isn’t it bad enough to go out on first dates, but chronicle every minute of them and have to go back and relive through the written word? Because I am crazy remember! And, the best way for me to learn is to do and then go back and read what went wrong.
So, I am off to meet my goal. I have already had 1 date, 19 to go. Look for Date #1 blog soon!
-New2Dating2011
